The purpose gap no one talks about: Why even toppers feel lost after college
By Deek ParassiniEvery year, thousands of toppers and rank-holders graduate with applause, certificates, and pride. Yet, only after a few months, many students start feeling confused, anxious, or directionless. Their families wonder how someone who excelled academically can suddenly feel lost. Teachers also start questioning why their best students struggle outside the classroom. And students begin to ask themselves: “If I did everything right, why do I feel so empty now?” The truth is simple, yet deeply ignored: There is a growing purpose gap.
Marks Don’t Build Meaning
For years, toppers grow up mastering subjects, not themselves. They learn how to score well but not how to live. These students know how to memorize answers but not how to understand their own emotions. Their identity becomes tied to marks, not meaning. But the moment college ends, the scoreboard disappears—and so does the identity they were conditioned to rely on. In the real world, emotional strength doesn’t carry grades, decision-making isn’t part of the syllabus, and confidence isn’t awarded with certificates. The truth is that life’s challenges don’t come with answer keys. Toppers quickly realize they mastered academics, but not direction and this is where the Purpose Gap begins.
Why success collides and what next
After speaking to thousands of young people in my sessions across India and abroad, I’ve realized that feeling lost after college has nothing to do with intelligence. It comes from emotional shifts, inner wounds, and unprepared transitions. Here are few real reasons why this happens — and how to rise above each of them:Relationship heartbreaksMany toppers experience their first deep emotional bond in college, and the pain of heartbreak hits much harder than any academic failure. But heartbreak is not a weakness — it is a sign of your emotional depth. Instead of asking “Why me?” shift to “What is life trying to teach me through this person?” Every person enters your life with a purpose: to grow you, strengthen you, or guide you. Keep the lesson, not the pain. Childhood traumaSome toppers carry unresolved childhood traumas and bury themselves in studies to forget. When college ends and the distractions reduce, those suppressed memories resurface. Trauma comes back only when life knows you are ready to heal it. Don’t run from it — face it gently. Talk to someone you trust, reflect honestly, and forgive those involved in your mind. Healing doesn’t happen by forgetting; it happens by understanding and releasing.Trying to prove something to someoneMany toppers spend years trying to prove their worth to a parent, a teacher, or someone who once doubted them. But when the proving ends, an emptiness begins, because the goal was never internal. The moment you stop living life for someone’s approval and start living for your own growth, everything shifts. Most people you’re trying to impress aren’t even thinking about you. Move from proving to improving — that’s where purpose begins. Identity loss in a new environmentIn school they were “the topper,” but in college they become one among many, and that old identity quietly dissolves. This isn’t an identity loss — it’s an identity discovery. It’s your chance to understand who you truly are beyond marks and labels. Ask yourself: What energizes me? What are my strengths? What do I enjoy? This phase is not a downfall; it’s an upgrade. Overwhelming freedomCollege suddenly offers independence — no supervision, no routine, no one checking in — and that freedom can feel confusing or destabilizing. But freedom is never the problem; lack of direction is. Build simple routines that give structure to your day. Discipline is not control — it is clarity. When your time has purpose, freedom becomes your ally, not your enemy.Pressure of expectationsParents, teachers, and society expect toppers to always know the right path, making them afraid to admit confusion. But expectations belong to others, not to you. Replace perfection with sincerity. Tell yourself, “I will give my best, not the best.” When you stop trying to meet everyone’s expectations, the pressure dissolves and your true direction becomes clearer. Lack of self-understandingMany toppers build their identity around marks, not self-awareness. When the marks disappear, they suddenly feel lost because they never learned who they truly are. Self-understanding begins with simple honesty: What motivates you? What drains you? What strengths do you naturally have? What triggers you? The more you observe yourself, the clearer your path becomes.The comparison trapSocial media pushes toppers into comparing their behind-the-scenes life with others’ highlight reels — someone gets a job, someone moves abroad, someone gets engaged — and suddenly they feel “behind.” But your life is not meant to match someone else’s timeline. Turn comparison into improvement. Instead of asking “Why not me?” ask “What can I improve today?” Progress comes from effort; insecurity comes from comparison.
How to close this gap
Purpose begins when you start understanding who you really are beyond marks, expectations, and labels. Accepting that feeling lost is normal opens the door to growth. In fact, Confusion is often the first step toward self-awareness. Building life skills like communication, discipline, emotional strength, and decision-making matters far more than memorising chapters. Once you stop comparing your journey to others, you remove the pressure to prove yourself. You must also know how to handle your freedom with responsibility and reconnect with gratitude. Contribution also brings direction; serving others, mentoring juniors, or supporting your family gives meaning faster than overthinking. Most importantly, learning to love yourself without conditions helps rebuild identity from the inside, not the outside – purpose naturally finds its way back into your life. Deek Parassin is a truth-based transformational guide and Founder of LIAP Foundation. Views expressed are the author’s own.
